We Suggest You Run

Recording- October 28th, 6:30 pm

So you think you’re safe in this world, excluding thieves, murderers, sociopaths, frauds, rapists, well shit. Well now you can get happy because there is more than that out there, more than the thieves or murderers, more than you can ever imagine.

Shut up Mika its not cliché its dramatic! There is an accent on the ‘E’ don't correct me!

You know those monsters in the bedtime stories, or maybe in the late night slasher you just watched, sad to say your not watching them, they’re watching you. Yes that guy at the bar: werewolf. That sweet old lady: not so sweet.

They are everywhere you look but you're as blind as the old lady aforementioned. You just need to look hard and you’ll see that humans are the worst thing out there, even though the evening news disagrees.

So now think about it, is the boy you like really a boy? Your neighbor really a human? Even your family? Look closer, close enough to see the white of their eyes, and if you don't see yourself in them, don’t see the reflection of humanity, I suggest you run.

***

The road was twisting, it wound in and out of the trees, showing no signs of ever getting the black car to the destination it needed to be. The driver squinted in the dark swearing to lord all- mighty that he was going to get the headlight fixed...along with his partner.

“Where the f*ck are we?” The man yelled and the driver sighed look at him irritated.

“I don’t know you have the map,”

“A lot of good that does me,” He cried, waving the offending object wildly. The driver pinched the bridge of his nose and counted to ten, remember killing people was a bad thing.

“I don’t think that’s the right map.”

“It’s the right map!” He yelled causing the other boy to swerve and swear before looking back and raising a pierced eyebrow.

“no thats a map of indiana.”

“No it isn’t!”

“yes it is....Why do we have a map of indiana?”

“....IT’S NOT A MAP OF INDIANA!”

“It’s not your car and you're not driving. IF I say it’s a map of indiana, it’s a map of indiana.”

“Shut up.”

“No, tú es muy tonto!”

“English- speak it.”

“Fine, you’re a dumbass because that IS a map of indiana.”

“No....wait.....frick....you’re right, but I think it’s Idaho.”

“No it’s indiana.”

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure.”

“F*ck me, turn right!”

“It’s the wrong map and you’re reading it upside down, don't give me directions!”

“Bitch, quiet!”

“Here it is, thank luck because your navigation sucked almost as hard as you normally do.”

“Haha, very funny Maximus, maybe you should go f*ck yourself.”

“I’d love to, join me dear?”

“YOURSELF!”

“Fine, missing out.”

“Pretty sure i’m not...”

“...You make me sad, Mika.” Max said sadly and parked the car in the empty lot, the building in front of them was huge, its stone was towering and the gates imposing, like teeth that kept people out... or maybe in.

Stopping, Mika growled hauling himself out of the car with little grace, his ass hurt, his legs hurt, his head hurt...did he mention his ass hurt?

He looked over at his partner and growled.

He was stretching, the little bitch was stretching- HOW!? That car ride was like 20 hours nonstop, Mika growled and Max turned smiling. The boy was shorter than Mika with brownish blond hair and sorrel eyes, he had an innate love of piercings with five in his right ear and four in his left, one on the end of his right eyebrow and one on the beginning in his left. His skin was darker than Mika’s as well, more of an olive tone and smooth in the places not shined or distorted by scars. He had broad shoulders and was well built though very thin, almost skinny, causing women to fawn over him often. Unfortunately for them, he didn’t exactly swing that way- didn’t really play for their team. He walked with a certain swing in his step, and carried himself in a way that to many would radiate one specific message- don’t mess with me. He had turned away from Mika, but now felt the lack of his grey-blue gaze and turned.

He found Mika standing with his thumb pressing hard into the space between his brow bone and his left eye to stop a recurring twitch.

“Tired?” Max asked, and Mika only grumbled a response, clearly not in the mood to talk; and to anyone who knew him at all, he was obviously exhausted. Things like that about Mika ceased to make any sense to Max. He would be completely exhausted after a long car ride; but after fighting some creepy, f*cked-up monster...or demon...or ghost... or supernatural being- take your pick- he was completely energetic and ready to go kill another one. Mika’s appearance didn’t exactly match his personality, but it didn’t seem awkward paired with the way he acted either.

Mika was a 6’2”, wide shouldered, blue-eyed hunter, with light brown hair which flipped up and spiked in the front; and an expression that would drive most common people away. It’s not that his expression was scary, not at all, it was more of a blank look. A face that could have hidden any emotion where he trying hard not to show it; but in no way was he inexpressive. To Max, at least, his eyes were always a give away; but were you not looking for it as carefully as Mika’s partner might, it may have been unnoticeable. Mika tended to shift his weight around when he was angry and stumble over his words when in an argument; needless to say, against Max, those arguments were always lost on Mika’s part. He was also clumsy at times, especially when he felt out of place or nervous. He was always tripping over his own feet, or leaning against things that move easily, causing him to fall over.

While Max had piercings, Mika was more fond of tattoos. He had some, random, gotten as a drunk teenager; but some with meaning- which he never felt like explaining to anyone- it was good enough for him to know what they meant. Though Mika refused to explain his tattoos to anyone, Max did know the meaning of one of them, if only because they shared it. On their hips, Mika’s on the right and Max’s on the left, was half of an infinity sign. Not the traditional infinity that you would think of, with the pretty curving lines; but a version with sharp, cutting edges, red at the tips, but the rest black. They had gotten them when they decided to hunt and kill things together.

They wore the ink as reminder that they could never stop saving people, never stop killing things, that there would always be more out there to get rid of.

“Don’t grumble at me, I deserve a linguistic response, don’t you agree?” Max retorted.

“Mmhmm...” Mika replied, yawning widely, “what’s with the big words all of a sudden?’’ he asked and cracked his knuckles

“Still tired? Well, wake up because we’re going in,”

“Right now?”

“yes, now, or would you like to drink tea first?” Max said sarcastically as he walked forward toward the abandoned building.

The walls were grey, the paint peeling and the walk way almost obscured by overgrown weeds. The hospital itself was a sight to behold, it was huge as they had seen driving in, but up close the feel of death permeated the open air and the entrance looked rather foreboding, its glass sign hanging by a few nails on a precarious tilt.

“Okay, lets flip a coin to see who has to sleep here,” Mika groused

“F*ck you!” Max smiled and skipped, skipped, towards the building, had he no sense of self preservation? Mika grumbled again think about how his ass hurt and began to follow.

“Wait for me you stupid, gay, asshole!” Mika called and Max turned raising an eyebrow.

“...I didn’t know you talked to yourself.” Mika was about to make a cutting reply when they heard a soft moan. It carried in the still night air and made chills run up both their spines.

“I changed my mind, lets have tea first.” Max mumbled his face a little paler, he hated moaning, dead people he could do, vampires he could do, monster he could do, moaning (outside of sex of course) was something he could not do

“Max, don’t freak out.”

“It moaned!” Max cried and ran back gripping Mika waist and pulling his t-shirt, Mika groaned, and looked at his friend, why in hells name would this....creature of doom and despair dislike moaning...he could like snap your neck with his brain.

“We still need to go in.”

“How about we call IN sick!” Max mumbled and Mika smiled kindly, poor baby.

Walking into the building Max eyes shifted left then right before settling on the mode of ‘stare straight ahead’ and Mika nervously watched his partner...please let him not destroy the building please let him not destroy the building...repair fees sucked.

“Don’t worry I won't destroy the building.”

“I’m the telepath not you!” Mika yelled.

“You giving me the look of ‘repair fees’ it was easy to guess,” Max said rolling his eyes.

“Stop, just stop. Where do we need to go?”

“Psychiatric ward.”

“F*ck me, are you serious?”

“As the grave.”

“Why? Just WHY!” Mika yelled and set of leaving his skinny friend looking around before chasing after him.

Max looked at Mika’s back and reminded himself, again that killing people was a bad thing. Max nervously looked left and then back to his partner....damn him and his perfect body, why? He’s too...manly, screw you!

Max watched as each room of the hospital passed by. Molding shower curtains with rusted rings laid on the floor along with puddles of God knows what in the bathrooms; and in the individual rooms the hospital beds were falling apart or in pieces on the floor. A fine layer of dust covered everything except for spots where it looked like fingers had been dragged across, or a message had previously been written.

Drawings of things unrealistic to most, but familiar to both Mika and Max littered the wall near the floor. They wondered if these creatures had been seen by the patients during their time here. Mika bent down to look at one specific drawing just as Maximus did the same thing. It looked almost human, but with long arms and fingers that extended much longer than they should have and it was standing in what looked like a puddle. Looking closely you could see every rib and every vertebrae sticking out at awkward angles.

“What the fuck, man?”

“I don't know...what is that even supposed to be?”

“Beats me,” Max replied as they rose from their crouched position.

Why were all hospitals painted a horrible shade of mint green? It was like the universal layout of hospitals- off white colors or mint green. Max hated mint green, it clashed with his eyes. Max looked to the side only to see a dirty rubber duck laying at the entrance of one of the many bathrooms, it’s plastic eyes seemed to follow them and Max edged away....demons, why couldn’t it be a demon, rubber ducks were so...creepy.

“Stop with the rubber duck, you're creeping me out!” Called Mika over his shoulder, Max stuck out his tongue and looked back, the duck, it was gone.

“Are you F*cking with me right now...F*CK.” he whimpered and grabbed Mika’s shirt again.

“How are you not scared of vampires and shit but ducks get to you,” Mika said shrugging him off.

“Rubber ducks.”

“MY GOD!” Mika yelled and spun around to give him a piece of his mind when he stopped, eyes blowing up to the size of saucers. Max froze, why was his partner looking at him like that, no not at him, at something behind him...oh shit.

ohshitohshitohshitohshit!

Max slightly turned his head and could barely make it out.

The thing was standing there, about 20 feet away, details were hard to make out in the half-lit corridor, but the creature was hunched, bent over like a great weight sat on his back. Its arms were long enough to brush the ground and it seemed to move by dragging themselves across the ground on hands and feet, making it most likely fast as hell. Its flesh was dripping off it like grease, it plopped against the ground with sicken wet slaps. Max was horrified.

Zombies. zombies where his one weakness, zombies moaned, they were disgusting and they were people. He hated the ones that were once people, vampires were fine, werewolves were fine, zombies not fine, mutated zombies from hell also not fine. It suddenly dragged itself into one of the staircases and they could hear the thuds of its dripping skin as it traveled up the stairs.

“WHAT THE F*CK WAS THAT...THAT...THAT ICK!” Max whisper-screamed, Mika was at a loss for words. That had been...gross.

“I have no idea, its not in our field guide...whoever drew that picture on the wall though...they were pretty damn accurate.”

“...Satan’s child man, Satan’s child.” Max grumbled.

“No... remember we beat him in a bar fight in las vegas.”

“Oh right, he the one who hit you on the head with a bar stool.”

“Yeah...that guy.”

“Didn’t we set him on fire?”

“Yep.”

“Why do you look so happy about that?” Max asked and his partner just grinned. Mika remembered the found moment when he realized that tequila was flammable, it was a good moment in his life.

“you're more creepy than the friggin monster.” Grumbled Max as he walked forward pulling out his cell phone and hitting redial.

“Hello Mr. Monohan, yes we’re at the hospital, yes I saw it...THEM THERE’S MORE THAN ONE?! ....no sir, I don’t think that will be a problem, thank you, okay goodbye.”

“...It’s not the only one?”

“F*CK” Max yelled and the chair to the left of them was crushed and snapped into the floor until it was unrecognizable.

“Thats it, find your anger outlet, channel Buddha.” Mika said as his partner straighten his jacket and stood his pupils returning to normal size.

“Okay lets kill these son of bitches and go to a bar!” Max cried and ran off toward the staircase he had seen the monster run up, flinging open the door he stopped dead.

Five pairs of eyes looked up at him, Max blinked as he saw the things drop whatever they had been eating (were those arms?) and look at him, their faces deformed with unseeing, milky eyes and teeth that looked like needles had been stuck in the gums by the hundreds.

Max slammed the door...And began to laugh hysterically.

“What?” Mika said, knowing his partner only did that when he was horrified.

“Let’s leave!” Max panicked just as one launched itself into the closed door, it made a hollow banging nose as his rammed into the steel again and again, soon the other joined it and Max shoved his full weight against the door, which wasn’t much.

“Help me -you’re the fat one!” Max screeched.

“I prefer the term bulky, thank you very much,” he said as he leaned over to help his friend.

“I’m sorry for interrupting your meal!” Screamed Max over his shoulder and Mika looked at him.

“Their meal?” he said and Max nodded wincing as one slammed the door behind his back even harder than before.

“Yeah, you know how the maintenance man went missing?”

“Yes?”

“Well he’s not missing anymore...at least his arm isn’t!”

“That’s disgusting!” Mika yelled.

“Yeah think about the calories!” Max called back. Mika looked at his friend and rolled his eyes. suddenly Max was thrown across the room as the door was hit viciously and swung out, and man, did he fly far. Mika turned to see the creatures and he reached down and pulled out an ornate gun, it was pale white and shimmered, the trigger and the inside of the barrel was black. Max’s gun was a direct replica except his was black and the trigger and inside barrel was white, yin and yang.

Mika looked at Max who was struggling to get up...flying head first into a wall will do that to you.

One of the creatures jumped at him and twisted his arm so the gun was pointed straight at the things head and he pulled the trigger. The large gauge bullet made the back of this monsters head explode out, it showered him with sticky gore and Mika narrowed his eyes...he did not have time to go to the friggin dry cleaners, bitch why you hatin’ on my clothes?

“4 o’clock!” Called a voice and Mika turned with precision and shot the next monster, he looked at Max who had shouted the warning, he was bleeding from his forehead and looked...kinda pissed.

“They broke my eyebrow piercing.” Max growled and Mika blanched, stepping away as the man whipped out a knife and jumped the nearest monster stabbing it repeatedly through one eye, until it was mush and the monster fell, clutching its face before laying still. “Who’s next?” Max grinned and Mika wondered how he had ever ended up with this psychopath. Mika turned and lifted a hand only to have Max whip a knife at it- which Mika caught- and spin away with an insane look in his eyes.

Mika sighed, “It’s going to be a long night...”

*** Recording- October 29th, 4:46 am

Max hand over the microphone right now, don’t DROP it!

Anyway as Maximus was saying there are a lot of evil SOBS out there, and we can’t protect you from all of them.

Yes, yes okay

Max says we can try. But in the end it’s up to you, look left, look right and look the person sitting next to you in the eye. Then look closer, close enough to see the white of their eyes, and if you don't see yourself in them, don’t see the reflection of humanity, we suggest you run.